Loneliness is not just about being physically alone--it’s about feeling disconnected from the people around you. Whether you’re feeling pressure to fit in, struggling to keep up with others in school, or feeling like no one truly understands you, loneliness can take a toll on your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing.
Dealing with Loneliness
Why am I feeling lonely?
While movies and TV might suggest that your teenage years are carefree, this is often not the case. Many teens experience periods of stress and loneliness for a variety of reasons, including:
Social media
While following friends, celebrities, and influencers online can make you feel happy, entertained, and connected, social media can also amplify feelings of loneliness. Scrolling through social media might give the impression that your peers are all living perfect lives, which may lead to feelings of jealousy or ‘not being enough.’ Social media can drive us to compare ourselves to others, and these comparisons can make you feel alone even if you are surrounded by caring friends and family. Time spent on social media can also take away from time spent on meaningful in-person interactions, the lack of which can amplify your feelings of loneliness.
Social anxiety
If you struggle with social anxiety, or low social confidence, you may be more likely to feel lonely. Social anxiety leads us to overestimate the chance of a social interaction going badly. And if you believe that texting a classmate to get together will lead them to reject or tease you, it makes sense that you would avoid sending that text. Unfortunately, when you listen to social anxiety and avoid social situations, you may miss out on opportunities to build connections.
Changing relationships
As you continue to grow and change as a person, you might experience changes in your relationships. During adolescence and young adulthood, friends can come and go, or grow apart as they age, and at times, you might feel left behind or left out. Shifts in friendships can be scary or upsetting, but they do not mean you are to blame. Friendship dynamics change for most of us throughout our lifetime, and learning to accept these changes with grace is a valuable life skill. On the other hand, new experiences as we grow through adolescence and emerging adulthood offer new opportunities to meet people and cultivate new friendships.
What should I do if I feel lonely?
When you are feeling lonely, it can be difficult to imagine feeling any other way. But there are steps you can take to help cope with these feelings:
Take one step toward connecting with a peer
Building new relationships with peers or reconnecting with old friends can feel overwhelming. It often helps to take one small step at a time toward making a connection with a peer. Perhaps your first step is to identify one person to whom you would like to reach out. A next step may be to draft a text message to that person, even if you don't send it right away. If you can't think of a peer that you'd like to connect with, you can try taking these same steps with a trusted family member.
Find a group based on your interests
Many of us find connections with people who share our interests. Consider looking into groups or organizations centered around things you like to do or a subject that interests you. You could narrow your focus to a sport, music or arts, or volunteering for a cause that matters to you. It may feel intimidating to enter a new group for the first time, so take gradual steps. Start by identifying a group, calling a group leader to get more information, or reaching out to current members to hear about their experiences.
Talk to a trusted adult
Even though you might feel like no one understands you, sometimes putting your feelings into words can alleviate some of the negative emotions you have. Whether it is your parent, a relative, or your favorite teacher at school, it is important to speak to a trusted adult about how you are feeling. Sharing these feelings can help you get the support you need.