It’s common to occasionally miss a day school – maybe you’re sick or have a dentist or doctor appointment during the day. But if missing school becomes a regular thing, and the thought of going back creates extreme anxiety, you might be dealing with school avoidance.
Struggling to Go to School? You’re Not Alone
What is school avoidance?
School avoidance happens when it feels too overwhelming for you to go to school regularly or to stay there for the full day. You might start by missing a class or two, and before you know it, you’re out of school for days or even weeks at a time. The longer you’re out, the harder it becomes to return to school because of the stress, anxiety, and emotional pain you feel.
If you are experiencing significant anxiety or stress about attending school, you’re not alone. About 1 in 20 students experience school avoidance at some point, especially if they’re dealing with mental health issues or big life changes.
Signs you might be avoiding school
Here are a few things you might notice in yourself if you are experiencing school avoidance:
- Feeling sick (stomachaches, headaches, etc.) when it’s time to go to school
- Feeling panicked or crying before school
- Spending a lot of time in the nurse’s office
- Skipping certain classes that feel stressful
These are signs that your mind and body are trying to protect you from something that feels scary or overwhelming.
Why is this happening?
School avoidance usually happens for a reason—even if it’s not clear right away. Some common ones include:
- Social stress (feeling left out, bullied, or anxious in crowds)
- Academic pressure (worrying about tests, falling behind, perfectionism or not understanding the material)
- Mental health challenges (ADHD, anxiety, depression, or trauma)
- Life changes (switching schools, losing a loved one, or going through family stress)
- Learning and thinking differences (dyslexia, sensory processing challenges, or struggles with focus and organization)
Sometimes, staying home from school can even feel rewarding—like getting to relax, avoid stress, or play video games. But over time, the more you avoid going, the more the anxiety grows.
School avoidance vs. skipping for fun
You might wonder: how is school avoidance different from just skipping school? Here are the key differences:
School Avoidance
- You want to go but feel too anxious or upset
- Your family usually knows where you are
- It’s driven by emotional stress
Skipping School (Truancy)
- You skip on purpose to do something else
- You might lie about where you are
- It’s driven by rebellion or lack of motivation
If you’re avoiding school because of how it makes you feel emotionally, it’s not about being lazy or disobedient—it’s a real mental health challenge.
What can you do about It?
The most important thing you can do if you are experiencing school avoidance is to talk about it with someone you trust. This could be a parent, counselor, teacher, or therapist. It might feel hard to open up, but you don’t need to have all the answers.
When you do talk to someone, here are some things that might help:
- Be open and honest
- Explain what situations at school feel overwhelming (Are you worried about performance on tests? Are you being bullied?)
- Describe how your body feels when you think about school (Do you experience nausea, headaches, or panic?)
- Talk about what you think could make it easier to return to school, even if those things seem unrealistic (no homework, distance from a certain student or students). This can help you and your adult supports think of potential ways to help.
You’re not expected to fix this on your own. School avoidance is something that can get better with the right support.
Steps toward getting back to school
No one is going to expect you to go from zero to attending full days of school overnight. Your parents will work with you, school staff, and a mental health professional to discuss your needs and come up with a plan. This plan can include accommodations like:
- A gradual schedule when returning (like starting with a half-day)
- Flexible assignments or deadlines to reduce pressure
- Breaks during the day or a safe space to go to if you feel anxious or overwhelmed
Plans are important and helpful but they aren’t the only piece to helping you return to school. The other part is working with a mental health professional, like a child psychologist or counselor. Therapies that help you respond flexibly to your worries and help you gradually face your school-related fears can help you learn to tolerate your anxiety in a way that feels safe and manageable. Certain medications may also help you manage school-related anxiety. A therapist may also work with your parents and school staff to learn how to support you as you work on getting back to school on a regular basis.
At home, you’ll want to:
- Create and follow daily routines that support going back to school (even if you aren’t back yet)
- Celebrate your wins, no matter how small
- Avoid things that make going back harder, like staying up late
- Be kind to yourself
One step at a time
Experiencing school avoidance can feel challenging and overwhelming. But there are many supports and strategies that can help you feel better about going to school consistently. So stay hopeful, even on those days that feel very hard. If you keep working on your school avoidance, things can get better over time.