Postpartum Depression in Dads: 8 Things New Parents Should Know
A psychologist explains how postpartum depression can show up in fathers, why it happens, and when to seek support.
The postpartum period marks a tremendous life shift: welcoming a new family member, juggling priorities, losing sleep, finding a new sense of identity — the list of changes can seem endless.
For some, this transition can lead to the development of postpartum depression, a mental health condition that can cause ongoing sadness, anxiety and trouble caring for yourself or your baby. But postpartum depression doesn't only affect mothers; the parents who did not give birth — including dads and partners — can experience it too.
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"Being a new parent comes with significant physical and psychological tasks, and that brings immense possibility for joy and growth, alongside immense possibility for overwhelm and fatigue," says Dr. Lindsey Wallace Goldman, a clinical psychologist specializing in perinatal and infant mental health at NewYork-Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medical Center.
"The partners who do not give birth may feel like they need to be strong, that they can't crumble from the stress, but acknowledging the difficulty and discussing ways to make things better is healthy for the whole family."
Dr. Goldman shares what postpartum depression in fathers can look like and when to get help.
1. Yes, Dads Can Get Postpartum Depression
Dr. Goldman: Postpartum depression is typically thought of as something that solely affects the pregnant person, but we know there are vulnerabilities for fathers and new parents who have a child through adoption or a gestational carrier.
A meta-analysis found that about 14% of fathers in the U.S. experienced depression within the first year of the child's life. Fathers often see themselves as needing to be the provider and support for their partner during this period. While it's critical for pregnant women and new mothers to receive support, both new parents need to consider their own needs as well as their partners’ needs.
All new parents experience worries about their baby, but postpartum depression is more than the typical new-parent stress.
Postpartum depression is a medical condition that lasts for two weeks or more after the birth of the baby, characterized by low mood, low motivation or pleasure in things, and feelings of guilt or overwhelm. When these feelings lead to not being able to think clearly, eat regularly, sleep when you have the chance to, or take care of yourself, it’s a sign you should seek additional help.
2. Fatherhood Comes with a Major Role Transition
Dr. Goldman: Men experience a significant role transition during the adjustment to parenthood just as mothers do.
Dads and non-birthing partners can experience conflicting demands on their time and experience changes in the relationship with their partner, who often becomes completely fixated on the needs of the baby. Dads and non-birthing partners can also have memories of being parented, of their own childhoods that resurface as they become a parent themselves, and these memories can sometimes be hard to navigate.
While all of this is happening psychologically, they may also feel less skilled in caring for the baby and they are usually perceived that way by others. In reality, they're legitimately learning a new set of skills while navigating a reconfiguration of their life and role.
There’s recent research showing a neural basis for parenting behavior, where there are brain changes associated with a father's involvement in infant care. One change that can occur is a decrease in testosterone, which is thought to occur due to involvement in caretaking, and this change is a benefit for them and their baby.
3. It Can Appear a Few Months After the Baby Arrives
Dr. Goldman: The most common period for paternal postpartum depression is around three to six months postpartum.
Postpartum depression in dads is associated with maternal postpartum depression, with some studies suggesting that paternal symptoms may emerge after maternal postpartum depression.
Additionally, in situations where there is trauma around childbirth, stress related to the baby’s medical condition, or admission to the NICU, fathers tend to have more delayed grief reactions. These traumatic experiences deeply affect both parents.
The non-birthing parent may witness acute medical events for their partner and their baby, and these experiences can be shocking and scary. After this occurs, they tend to keep their thoughts and feelings hidden and focus on supporting the birthing parent as a caregiver and provider of comfort, rather than the ones seen as needing comfort.
Oftentimes after the period of acute grief for their partner, they’ll notice that it’s finally hitting them because there's space to focus on themselves and really notice their feelings and reactions.
Five Ways New Fathers and Partners Can Prepare for the Postpartum Period
- Discuss expectations with your partner around sleep, caretaking, feeding, and other tasks.
- Work on communication with your partner.
- Understand your vulnerability and risks of developing anxiety, depression, or another mental health condition.
- Talk about what special and unique role you’d like to have with the baby.
- Focus on maintaining healthy relationships with partners, family, and friends during the transition to parenthood.
4. The Signs May Look Different in Men
Dr. Goldman: Look out for significant changes in someone's behavior that persist for long periods, or severe changes in a short timeframe.
Paternal postpartum depression is often characterized by:
- Greater irritability or anger
- Increased marital conflict
- Avoidance or numbing of feelings by alcohol or drug use, or throwing themselves into work
- Impulsive behavior
Physical symptoms may also include:
- Difficulty sleeping
- Fatigue
- Poor concentration
- Headaches
- Stomachaches
- Muscle tension
For providers, depression or anxiety in one parent should prompt clinical attention to the other, whether that may be because they're taking on the primary role caring for the baby and partner, or they may be struggling with a mental health condition themselves.
5. Some Parents Are at Higher Risk
Dr. Goldman: Research shows that partners who tend to doubt themselves and their abilities are vulnerable to the additional challenges in this period and tend to feel more anxious, uncertain, or guilty.
Additional factors associated with postpartum depression in fathers include:
- History of depression
- Being a younger parent
- Pre-existing marital conflict
- The quality of their relationship with their own parents and families
6. Getting Help Supports the Whole Family
Dr. Goldman: Fathers play a critical role in child development and wellbeing. Studies have shown that fathers or non-birthing parents play a key part in buffering the negative effects of maternal postpartum depression on the infant’s development.
Research also indicates that postpartum depression in dads is associated with potential emotional and behavioral problems for the infant into childhood.
Without treatment, it could continue to affect relationships, work, and quality of life.
Screening for depression and anxiety should be a part of routine pediatric care for all parents regardless of sex and gender. Though fathers or non-birthing partners are not the patients themselves, providers should make efforts to talk with all expectant and new parents about how they're coping during their prenatal or pediatric visits. Talk to your doctor, or your baby’s doctor about your feelings, reactions, and how you’re coping, and they will figure out how to support you.
7. Postpartum Depression in Dads Is Treatable
Dr. Goldman: There are several evidence-based treatments for postpartum depression that can be effective for fathers and non-birthing partners, including medication and individual therapy. They often benefit from a space separate from their partner to express their feelings without fear of their partners’ reaction.
Others find that couples therapy is more palatable due to the stigma around mental health for men, and it can be a very useful avenue given that relationship conflicts can be a significant source of tension for new parents. Group education or support can also be helpful for fathers to feel less alone.
8. There Are Ways for Family and Friends to Help
Dr. Goldman: One of the most important ways to support fathers and their mental health during this transition is to view them as in need of attention, care, and support, rather than the one who has to stay steady for their partner at all costs.
For friends or relatives, it's important to simply start a conversation. Even if you don't exactly know what to do or say, asking, "How has it been for you since your baby was born?" can open the door. They may not be in the place to talk about it at that moment, but you're letting them know you're available.
Other ways support systems can help:
- Acknowledge the challenges, and emphasize their strengths and efforts.
- Offer practical help, like making meals or cleaning the house.
- Encourage them to do something for themselves that may remind them of other aspects of their identity, like exercising, or seeing a friend.
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