While loneliness is often a common feeling among all individuals, loneliness in children and teens can be more than a fleeting feeling. For many teenagers, feelings of loneliness may be long-term, and can negatively impact many facets of life, such as academic performance, peer relationships, self-identity, and more.
My Child is Lonely. What Should I Do?
What is teenage loneliness?
What are the causes of teenage loneliness?
There are a variety of reasons why teenagers experience loneliness, including shifting social dynamics and dependence on technology.
As children enter their teenage years, their interests, opinions, and overall sense of self can shift significantly. During this time, teenagers often experience changes in their peer relationships. For example, friends from childhood now have different interests and no longer enjoy spending time together. Another example is friends who are parting ways for college, unable to maintain consistent contact as they did in the past. These changes in relationships often leave teens with a sense of isolation from their past and feeling unsure of their personal identity.
For many, social media also plays a role in teenage loneliness. With the advancement of digital communication and social media platforms, today’s teenagers are more connected than ever. With this increase in connectivity, teens' phones are flooded with the carefully curated content of not only their peers, but celebrities and influencers across the globe. While teens often fight for increased independence, for many there is still an inherent desire to stick to the status quo. As a result, teens who do not mirror those digital representations which are viewed favorably by the masses are left feeling isolated and alone.
Additionally, social media platforms grant teens near-constant access to the goings on of their friends and peers, so they can be made immediately aware of events from which they've been excluded. While such exclusion may be unintentional, it can leave teens feeling rejected. It is this sense of rejection that leads to increased feelings of loneliness as teens feel unwanted by their peers.
It’s also important to remember that loneliness and withdrawal are not always "just part of growing up” or symptoms of the current culture, but may point to larger mental health challenges such as an anxiety disorder or depression. If your teen is showing signs of a mental health condition — including but not limited to severe mood swings, excessive worrying, avoiding school or social activities, self-harm, inability to focus, and other behavioral changes — they may require support from a mental health professional.
How can I help my child if they are feeling lonely?
Encourage open communication. It is important to act as a sounding board for your child, offering reassurance rather than advice, to ensure they feel not only heard, but understood. Be sure to engage in active listening such as nodding, making verbal sounds of understanding, and maintaining eye contact. It is important not to push your child to talk, but instead remind them that you are there to listen when they are ready.
Encourage technology breaks. While it can be difficult to unplug in today’s technological age, encouraging breaks from social media and other forms of digital communication can give your child the space to reconnect with both the people around them, and themselves. These breaks can be as simple as removing phones from the dining room at dinner. Larger technology breaks may include participation in outdoor activities or instructing your child to leave their phone in the kitchen before bedtime.
Do your homework. If you are unsure of how to best address your child’s feelings of loneliness, ask your medical provider to recommend online resources to further educate yourself on the topic.