It’s normal for your child to miss school from time to time. Illness, stress, and personal and family obligations are common causes for periodic absences. However, when missing school becomes a chronic issue, your child may be experiencing school avoidance, also known as school refusal.
How Do I Help My Child Who is Avoiding School?
What is school avoidance?
School avoidance occurs when a child regularly refuses to attend school or struggles to remain in school for the full day. It often begins with occasional absences and can escalate over time to chronic absenteeism or an inability to stay in class. Clinically, it is often defined as attending less than 80% of school days over a two-week period, excluding excused absences.
School avoidance can begin as early as age five and continue through college. It affects approximately 5% of youth, particularly those experiencing anxiety or depression. The emotional distress tied to school may present in various ways—physically (e.g., headaches or nausea), behaviorally (e.g., refusing to leave home), or emotionally (e.g., panic attacks, crying, or social withdrawal).
Criteria for school avoidance
Children with school avoidance don’t just miss school occasionally—they repeatedly and consistently try to avoid attending school, leave class early, or skip specific classes. The diagnostic criteria for school avoidance includes:
- School attendance less than 80% during the two weeks prior
- The presence of an anxiety disorder
- Parents are aware of their child’s location during absences
- The child does not have a cooccurring conduct disorder
- Parents try to encourage their child’s school attendance without success
Signs, causes, and functions of school avoidance
School avoidance often begins subtly, with behaviors like skipping certain classes, struggling to complete homework, frequent visits to the nurse, or feigning illness. Over time, these can escalate into significant distress about attending school, leading to chronic absences that worsen a child’s anxiety.
School avoidance typically serves one or more of the following functions:
- Avoiding distressing situations (ex., the school bus, difficult classes, or social discomfort)
- Escaping evaluative or social settings (ex., presentations or tests)
- Seeking attention or support (ex., from a parent)
- Gaining access to positive rewards and reinforcements (ex., staying home to play video games)
Many underlying factors can contribute to school avoidance, including anxiety disorders, ADHD, learning differences (such as dyslexia or dysgraphia), executive functioning challenges, trauma, bullying, perfectionism, or major life changes like the loss of a loved one or a new school environment.
If your child is showing signs of school avoidance, identifying the root cause is key to finding the right support and treatment.
School avoidance vs. truancy
School avoidance and truancy are often confused, but they are distinct issues that require different approaches. While both involve school absences, the underlying causes and behaviors are quite different:
School Avoidance
- Absences occur with the parent’s knowledge
- The student may want to attend school but feels too distressed
- Rooted in emotional or psychological challenges
Truancy
- Absences occur often unexcused and without parental consent
- The student typically avoids school for reasons other than emotional distress
- Driven by behavioral or motivational factors
Because the root causes differ, students struggling with school avoidance should not be treated the same as those with truancy. It's essential for parents to communicate openly with the school to ensure the student receives appropriate support and intervention.
How do I talk to my child who is dealing with school avoidance?
The first step is recognizing whether school avoidance is actually occurring. It often becomes clear only after noticing a consistent pattern of absences paired with emotional distress around attending school. Tools like the School Refusal Assessment Scale can help you better understand whether your child is experiencing school avoidance and what might be driving it.
Once identified, it’s important to speak with your child in a calm, compassionate, and non-judgmental way. Ask open-ended questions to explore what’s making school feel difficult—whether it’s social anxiety, academic stress, fear of separation, or something else. The goal is to create a safe space where your child feels heard and supported.
It’s also helpful to gently explain the long-term impact of unresolved school avoidance. Missing school can affect academic progress, self-confidence, and friendships – and may increase anxiety over time. Framing the conversation around understanding and problem-solving, rather than blame, is key to helping your child feel empowered to work through their fears.
Working with professionals to support school reentry
Helping a child with school avoidance starts with building a strong support team. This should include school staff—such as administrators and teachers—as well as a mental health professional, either from the school or outside.
Begin by meeting with the school to discuss your child’s needs and create a plan. This may involve a 504 plan or Individualized Education Plan (IEP), with accommodations like a gradual reentry schedule, shortened school days, modified assignments, or academic catch-up plans.
At the same time, work with a child psychologist or counselor. Exposure therapy is an effective treatment for school avoidance where the child gradually faces anxiety-provoking school situations in a structured way. Other effective approaches include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) treatment.
Creating a supportive home environment
If your child is experiencing distress attending school, approach the situation with empathy and patience. Establish a consistent routine at home that provides them with structure and security, including designated times to work on schoolwork. Reinforce positive behaviors, like attending school for part of the day, with praise and rewards. Try to avoid punishments that could escalate their anxiety further. With early intervention and support, children can overcome school avoidance and regain confidence in their academic and social lives.